Self-Regulation and Its limits To this point, we have seen that self-focused attention can motivate us to control our behavior and strive toward personal or social ideals. Achieving these goals—which enables us to reduce the self-discrepancies that haunt us—means that we must constantly engage in self-regulation—the pro- cesses by which we seek to control or alter our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and urges in order to live an acceptable social life. From lifting ourselves out of bed in the early morning to dieting, running the extra mile, limiting how much we drink at a party, practicing safe sex, smiling politely at people we really don’t like, and working when we have more fun things to do, the exercise of self-control is something we are taught as children and do all the time.
Conflicts between our desires and the need for self-control are constant. When a sample of 205 adults wore beepers for a week and reported their current states on cue, they indicated 7,827 episodes of desire—including, in order, biological desires to eat, sleep, and drink, followed by desires for media use, leisure activities, social contact, grooming and hygiene, sex, work, and sports activities. In nearly half of all instances, the desire was described as posing a conflict with other of the participants’ motivations, goals, and values.
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